My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
