I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
