she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
