the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Randomize
