false alarm. still invincible.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
