went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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