Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize