those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize