playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
