Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
