I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
