you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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