69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i think i have two assholes
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
