If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
