So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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