I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Randomize
