cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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