So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
