Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
you inspire me to be a worse person
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
