shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
