He had one of those small greek statue penises
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
