But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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