I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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