alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
