I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
