What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize