Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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