Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
