Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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