Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You are the jesus of drinking
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
