I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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