Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
