so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize