He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
