Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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