kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
