My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
