so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
