It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
