Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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