1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
