If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
