Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
