You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
vagina is talking i cant
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
