I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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