I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
