I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
