I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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