Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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