Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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