Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
