Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
