I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
