On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
