This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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