What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
