I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
