You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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