90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
