One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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