Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
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