I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
