puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
tequila makes me forget i have legs
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
