So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
