woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
His hands were made for my vagina.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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