absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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