Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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