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• (239): View more from Florida

  I wish I could drop acid with the muppets

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• (214): View more from Texas

  We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.

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• (845): View more from New York

  dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"

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• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...

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• (514): View more from Quebec

  OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?

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• (206): View more from Washington

  Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation

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• (253): View more from Washington

  You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.

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• (212): View more from New York

  Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors

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• (903): View more from Texas

  Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??

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• (949): View more from California

  My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.

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