I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
