If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
