Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
