Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize