if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
