You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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