Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
