Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
