o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
