Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
you made out with another girl for some wings
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
