So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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