you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize