Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
