Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
When are your genitals available?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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