Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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