Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
and she was petting her beer can
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
