My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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