Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
