haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
