Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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