FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
