he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
