hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
