I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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