I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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