I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
