thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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