There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
ttyl tear gas
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
